So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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