we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
this is an emotional support booty call
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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