another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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