I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize