I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
