I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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