You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
