Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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