this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
