Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
