i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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