You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
