so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
