you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
