Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
