I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize