Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
where am i from again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
