just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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