i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I want is dick and wine.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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