The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do vagina's smell?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i think i just lost a toe
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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