once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
