Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
