i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
