remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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