I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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