he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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