the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
