I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
