i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
