My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
