Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
