I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
