You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
