Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
