Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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