he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
