sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize