Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
