We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
