You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize