He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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