I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
