Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize