planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
