I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
