you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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