Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
