So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
