id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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