How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
