Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Randomize
