some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
