I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
