We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
