My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
