Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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