I didn't shave. On purpose
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
