i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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