haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Text me some of your sweat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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