How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
