Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
