yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize