I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
