your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
