im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
