Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
