Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
