he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
