She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
