I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
