so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
