we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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