so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
