is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
