I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
