She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
